Why I Restarted Once Again
January 12, 2024Somehow I can’t really seem to make up my mind. At least that’s how it might appear to the outside world. After all, I’ve relaunched the website again. What’s the point? Why did I do that? And what’s different now?
Why did I restart the website?
I haven’t been a student for a few months now. I am now employed as a software developer and earn quite well. I work from home, I enjoy my work and I have a lot of free time. In short: I’m doing really well.
It was different at the end of my degree. I was really stressed and mentally quite burdened. Above all, I didn’t feel like studying anymore and at the same time I was afraid of the future. What would happen after my studies? Will I find a good job?
Yes, I found a really good job. And in just a few weeks, I became happier. Much happier! The work is great and I don’t have to worry about work after work anymore. I could just relax without having to worry about any exams or papers. I could just relax.
Now I’m a bit of a strange person. I’ve always felt the need to break out of the typical gender roles and unite the feminine with the masculine. I wanted to break through the separation between the genders. I have no idea where this need comes from, but it’s there. And it’s strong.
An important aspect of this for me is clothing. I’ve never really felt comfortable in typically male clothing. I always felt somehow uncomfortable, like I was ‘dressing up’ as a man, so to speak. But I also didn’t dare to dress feminine because I was afraid of the effect it would have on other people. We’ve all seen the pictures of old men in women’s clothes, which somehow make them look ridiculous. One reason for this is that after a certain age, a rather young, feminine style just doesn’t suit you anymore. Secondly, in my opinion, these men in women’s clothes simply have no idea about fashion. They just wear cheap clothes that don’t suit them. They are often associated with fetishes.
But I didn’t want to dress up as a woman. I always just wanted to wear the clothes that I liked and that just happened to be clothes that were considered more feminine. It was always important to me that the style suited me. Fortunately, I’m rather short, have a slim figure and a rather young face.
However, I would be lying if I said that fetishes didn’t play a role. I also find it somehow arousing to dress feminine. However, this feeling is not present when I dress like this in public. It’s kind of strange, but it just makes me feel good, without sexuality or fetishism playing a role. I feel attractive and really like the style I’ve chosen. It’s a rather alternative style: black pleated skirt, black tights, black knitted dress, black cape and of course platform shoes or boots. I also like to wear a black face mask. I like this mysterious look. Pictures will follow.
I don’t want to be a woman. I just want to be the way I feel comfortable. And I believe that my style actually looks good and suits me. And that’s how I live now. I work in a large company and go to conferences and meetings. I feel comfortable, I’m accepted and I haven’t had a single negative reaction to date. I know that people in public or even my colleagues at work talk about it, maybe because they’re making fun of me, but I don’t care. I feel comfortable, that’s the most important thing.
What does this have to do with the website?
This website is all about platform shoes and boots that I like or own. Now I want to wear them in public in everyday life. However, many of the shoes are relatively unsuitable for everyday wear. That doesn’t mean that I won’t be buying “extreme” platforms any more, but there will probably be fewer of those and more platforms that can be worn in everyday life. And that’s exactly what I want to document here on the website. I want to write about myself and my style and, above all, about the platform shoes that I like. There will certainly still be a lot of unusual platforms here, simply because I want to have them in my collection. But there will also be more “wearable” platforms. Above all, it will be more about me and my style. It will be more personal. And that’s why I don’t want to focus so much on fetishism. I just want to write about fashion and, in particular, platform shoes that I like. I want to write about myself and my style, what my everyday life as a “gender-neutral dressed person” looks like.
The website is changing from a site about my fetishes with a focus on platforms to a site about me and my platform shoes. I hope you can forgive me for this and also for starting over and over again, creating a lot of content at the beginning and then suddenly going silent. I hope once again that this will change and I truly believe that it will, because this style and especially the platform shoes have become a part of my everyday life, so that I come into contact with them much more often and can also take more pictures.
I have sold some of my shoes in the last few months because I simply didn’t have enough space. I no longer liked some of the shoes and others were in poor condition. I may have bought many of the shoes a bit hastily because I had seen them, they looked quite good and weren’t too expensive. It was mainly the fetish aspect that was in the foreground. That will change now. Now I’m going to buy the shoes to wear them. And I will also buy more expensive shoes if I particularly like them and can wear them. At the moment, I would say that a platform sole of around 6 to 8 centimetres and a heel of around 14 centimetres is the maximum I can wear in everyday life.
The next few months and years will be very exciting for me and also very important. I just feel so damn comfortable and happy right now. But I don’t have many years left before I’m too old to dress like this. I want to make the most of this time and enjoy it. And I would like to share this with you.